Life isn’t what it seems…

Post-grad life is not fun.

I wish I could’ve told myself this September 2014 when I decided to declare my graduation date for August 2015. I was so excited to leave school and start fresh somewhere else. I wanted to go somewhere unknown to me even if I had traveled there previously. I also had no intention on continuing grad school at Texas Tech the following fall.

It’s now December 2015, and I’m living back at home in Mansfield, Texas. This is not what I wanted for myself, and I’m facing reality.

The first couple of months were great. I didn’t have to worry about the first round of midterms, and I was enjoying finishing out the Rangers season at the ballpark. I woke up late, and went to bed whenever I wanted. There was little to no accountability on my part. Hell, I could’ve gone to a random bar at noon and drank the day away if I wanted to (which I didn’t do because where can I do that in Mansfield?).

Now, I’m stuck in the middle, and am unsure in myself.

Yes, I have two jobs that allow me the flexibility others would love to have (I recently took off three days just to go to Lubbock to get away). And yes, I’m living with my parents rent-free, and only paying minor expenses.

However, I feel empty and lonely. I’m missing someone or something, and am still looking to find it.

I’ve applied at many jobs that I was either not qualified for or didn’t even like just to have the prospect of moving on. I hate feeling like my life hasn’t moved. It feels like everyone is moving on, and I am at a standstill.

It’s hard seeing friends and family in great relationships and going on to great things in their lives, when I’m just stuck.

It’s wrong to feel that way, and I know that, which is why I’m trying to find the silver lining…