Getting to Happy

First, my last post was not meant to be a sob story of any kind. I’ve had a lot of that stuff on my mind for MONTHS. Every one is going through things, but I’m sure my best friends are tired of hearing it. I needed to air out some grievances to clear the air FOR ME. My friends know who they are, and I’m so thankful for their love and support.

So, where did this “Getting to Happy” mantra come from?

When I started my most recent job subbing for MISD, I found that an 8-hour day drags unless you have something to do. I started reading for fun again last winter break, so I decided to give it a shot again. My friend suggested “Getting to Happy”, the sequel to “Waiting to Exhale” (a great movie if you haven’t seen it). It was one of the first books I read while subbing. That book made me cry, laugh, and cry again. The numerous tales of love and redemption were well-written.

After reading that book, I knew I needed to make changes in my life to be truly “happy” for me, myself, and I.

Romantic relationships are always a sore spot for me (seeing as I’ve never been in one), but I’m slowly learning to come to terms with it. Forcing things with someone who doesn’t have the same wants as I do will never work. When God is ready for me to have someone, then I have to be ready to accept that man in my life whoever he is. If you know me, you know I’m not a patient person, but God has the answers.

Speaking of God, I think I finally found a church home here in Mansfield. First Baptist in Lubbock was so good to me, and had a great system for me to lean on. I’ve struggled for years back home because I couldn’t find a church that fit me. Thankfully, I’m ready to start going consistently again, and I’m already looking forward to Sunday morning.

Also, I joined a gym. My health has not always been my top priority, especially my mental health, but joining this small gym by my parents house has been great so far. I’ve fallen in love with yoga, even though I’m still as uncoordinated as I was in high school. Yoga has really helped give me peace of mind. It’s 45 minutes twice a week where my phone isn’t near me and I can truly breathe and not think about things. It’s been great. Zumba is fun as well, and I’m about to head over  in a bit.

At this point, I have to be comfortable with the uncomfortable because only God knows what plans he has for me.

I can’t be impatient and settle for a man or a job because I want it right now.

I have to live for the future, and ultimately, live FOR ME.

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Life isn’t what it seems…

Post-grad life is not fun.

I wish I could’ve told myself this September 2014 when I decided to declare my graduation date for August 2015. I was so excited to leave school and start fresh somewhere else. I wanted to go somewhere unknown to me even if I had traveled there previously. I also had no intention on continuing grad school at Texas Tech the following fall.

It’s now December 2015, and I’m living back at home in Mansfield, Texas. This is not what I wanted for myself, and I’m facing reality.

The first couple of months were great. I didn’t have to worry about the first round of midterms, and I was enjoying finishing out the Rangers season at the ballpark. I woke up late, and went to bed whenever I wanted. There was little to no accountability on my part. Hell, I could’ve gone to a random bar at noon and drank the day away if I wanted to (which I didn’t do because where can I do that in Mansfield?).

Now, I’m stuck in the middle, and am unsure in myself.

Yes, I have two jobs that allow me the flexibility others would love to have (I recently took off three days just to go to Lubbock to get away). And yes, I’m living with my parents rent-free, and only paying minor expenses.

However, I feel empty and lonely. I’m missing someone or something, and am still looking to find it.

I’ve applied at many jobs that I was either not qualified for or didn’t even like just to have the prospect of moving on. I hate feeling like my life hasn’t moved. It feels like everyone is moving on, and I am at a standstill.

It’s hard seeing friends and family in great relationships and going on to great things in their lives, when I’m just stuck.

It’s wrong to feel that way, and I know that, which is why I’m trying to find the silver lining…